Tuesday, May 8, 2007

It'll look great on a t-shirt

Above, you will see the tour poster for one of the great concerts of my teenage years, by one of the greatest-and-somehow-most-ridiculous bands ever. What's that about? I'll tell you.

I think it's time to get some interaction going here on the ol' world tour blog. How do we get that? I'll tell you that, too: incentives. Free stuff. That's how. So here's what we're going to do. I think this world-tour-of-tiny-venues needs a name. Every great rock-n-roll tour has a name. And, since this tour won't have much of anything else that every great rock-n-roll tour has, it at least needs the name. That's the least I can do.

So we're gonna have a little contest, kids. Come up with a name for my tour, and you'll get a free copy of my CD before it gets released. I'll sign it or something, if that's of any value to you. And I'll tell everyone who you are and how you were the genius behind it all. If I make any "merch" for the tour (something i've never done before, but who knows?), you'll get some of that stuff too. T-shirts or something. Probably not shoe-strings or bracelets or breath-mints. I'm still brainstorming here.

So if you have a good name for my tour, post in the "comments," and we'll see if we can't make history. And, by "make history," I mean history like "goes in Ross' mom's scrapbook" or something.

Oh, and remember that I like funny more than I like dramatic. If your idea is something like "a king for The King" or whatever, you will lose.
Also, no cuss words. Sinbad is funny without cuss words, and you can be too.


Lance said...

Well, Ross first of all. We really want you to make a stop in Reisterstown, MD! Here are some options for the tour name:

1. Guess who's coming to worship.
2. Ross who?
3. Not in my house
4. The "Safe and Fun for the whole Family" tour
5. Homewrecker
6. Parade of Homes
7. Simple... the tour (one dramatic name... so sue me)
8. Your Best Life Now!
9. The Purpose-Driven tour
10. Hemorroids and cold fries... the tour. (i misspelled hemorroids... but I am sort of proud that I don't know how to spell it)

well, that is a good start.
(knowing that I am going against Todd Wright, among others, is daunting)

Lance said...

One more.

11. Ross does America

rk said...

the contest may already be over, folks. Lance has spoken.

Johnny! said...

Home Schooling Tour.

Everywhere Except My Hometown Tour.


Robert Conn said...

For the Youth... (X-treme Tour)
For the Gen Xers... (Ross and his Postmodern music)
For the Boomers... (12 ways to listen to Ross)
For the Builders... (Ross, the Majestic Sweetness)

Todd may have to explain the Majestic Sweetness comment for you.

tim h said...

Love your music and hope your coming to Dallas. A couple of quick ideas are:
1.The "if you'll listen" I'll play" tour
2.The "If three or hopefully more are gathered" tour
3.The " Will play for tips" tour
4.The "In your face because im in your living room" tour
5."Ross and his guitar...NATION WIDE"

Todd Wright said...

First of all, Lance is king. Loving "Not In My House." I like the "Homewrecker" tour, but that seems like more of a Derek Webb show than Ross. Here are my choices

FIRST CATEGORY (Should be printed in the same font directly after Ross' name so as to complete a phrase)

1.Sings On Couches
2.Pisses Me Off
3.Knows More Chords Now
4.Wants to Hang With You
5.Used To Be A Worship Leader
6.Is Having Marital Problems
7.Breaks Away

The second category is more the tour-type. Name, then a catchphrase
1.Is He Still Alive?
2.Get Your Praise On
3.Trust me, you’ll like him…

thad said...

Odds this is the first time Van Halen and Sinbad have worked the same venue? Anyone? I'd say better than good.

Anyway, I assume that this is all just a semi-elaborate ruse to goad the audience into participating since the tour will obviously be called Ross King: Live Without a Net.

In the off chance that I'm wrong, my submissions (in no particular order...except, perhaps, the order of alternating brilliance and genius)...

Ross King ...and all the allegations true

[This one works better as an album name, but naturally sets up the obvious and also (almost) rhyming tour name: ...and all the allegations tour. And you know I have a nice set list for this one. Let me know if you need me to dig it up.]

Genius Loves Company.

[I know, I know, this is the name of Ray Charles' duet album. But let's be honest, that was a stretch, and we need to call this one like we see it. There's also the added benefit of potentially attracting a few of Ray's fans who missed the news that he is, in fact, dead.]

Ross King: The World* Tour

* If the world were flat, culture-deprived, music-starved, and consisting only of Texas, south Louisiana, and small portions of Pennsylvania, Kansas, and Florida.

[This is the self-deprecating tour name that you change to when people get worked up about Genius Loves Company.]

Bad Boys of Worship Tour

[You might need to secure an opener like Paul Baloche to pull this one off, but this will allow you to draft off the certain momentum of this summer's "Bad Boys of Rock" tour featuring Hinder, Papa Roach, and Buckcherry.]

Ross King: The bathroom's down the hall.

[I convinced myself to abbreviate that one so it would fit on posters and billboards. The original version was: Ross King: "One last song--What's that? Sure, I'll wait for you to go to the bathroom before I play it. The bathroom's down the hall. Not to embarrass you, but it's best if you don't put toilet paper in the toilet because they have a septic tank and they told me it clogs pretty easily. ...What? Oh, that's right, this is your place. Anyway, I'll get a drink and I can play the last song when you get back. It looks like Grandma's out cold, so I don't think she'll mind the wait."

thad said...

And if we're voting on each other's submissions, I'm pretty fond of both "Homewrecker" and "Ross King pisses me off."

stevie said...

Sinbad is a schlocky huckster. So, you got that one wrong.

Potluck Supper
Death Gods on the Highway to Hell

Sparrow said...

"Heavenly Home"
"It's someone's hometown"
"Fell off the Stage"
"Tearing down curtains"
"Bigger than the stage"
"Out of the spotlight, next to a lamp"

Alex Burdine said...

end of contest....

"Who Wants A Body Massage?" World Tour.

If crowds are you wanted...crowds you'll get.

Chase said...

Ross King...Uncut

Ross King...(I'll email you this one)

Ross King...I'm just asking.

Ross King...Welcome to America

Ross King...No really.

Ross King...Was that out loud?

Ross King...But Seriously (that one is taken I think)

Ross King...What no one speaks of

Ross King...The Worship Esperience.

Ross King...Art and Worship.

Mr. Douglass said...


these are some fantastic suggestions.

i have a few also:

Ross King: Who's Bed Have These Boots NOT Been Under?
(may not communicate precisely what you're after, but .....)

Ross King: Everybody Back- Up

Ross King: The Power to the People Tour (different kind of power than Lenon's, get it? eh? wink, wink)

Ross King: The Donation Tour (tag line: what's the best nation in the world? DONATION)

Ross King: The Snake Oil and Medicine Tour

Ross King: The CONTRABAND Tour (come on, that one is wicked good!)

Ross King: Can't Keep a Good Man Down

Ross King: Did Everyone Get My Contractual Demands? (this could go on and on, down the back of the black t-shirt like they sometimes print tour dates/venues -- each becoming more absurd, winding up with midget servants in the dressing room)

Ross King: The Still Waiting for Belinda Carlisle to Make Good on Her Promise to Bring Heaven to Earth Tour

Ross King: The This is So Good We Had to Take it to the People Tour

Ross King: The Rythm is Gonna Get You Tour (you know this is a nice one, right?)

best wishes

rk said...

Gee whiz, this is going to be tough. I'm going to give it a couple more days, i think. I may need to narrow it down to like 10 and then take a vote. right now, Thad, Lance, Todd and Pepe are looking good, but it's still anybody's race.

Well, anybody excpet Robert, who is too cerebral and sociological for the low brow fans i've got (remember, East TX is one of my stops). And Alex, who is just creeping people out.

By the way (and this will fall into the category of annoying inside jokes), Alex, I'm thinking the Florida leg of this thing could be called the "white porcelain" tour. Am i right or am i right?

To unveil the mystery of that one, go here: http://www.appliancedirect.com/main/ipod.asp

that link will definitely hijack this thread, but it's worth it i think.

rk said...

apparently robert is too cerebral for me as well: "excpet"

Alex Burdine said...

I'm bringing out the big guns (from the magical inside joke box):

"Ross King: Bigger, Moister" World Tour

"Why Does it Always Rain When I'm in Pennsylvania?" Tour

"Ross King: 'I'm in here!'" World Tour

"Ross King's Jesus in a Tuxedo T-shirt" World Tour

(because it says I want to be formal...but still want to party)

Robert Conn said...

I'm an East Texas Boy... who broke out!

That in itself is cerebral!

Jason Fullen said...

I was thinking instead of Ross King: Coast to Coast
it could be The Ross King: Couch to Couch Tour


Ross King: No More Room Tour

Ross King: Kitchens and Coffee Tour

Ross King: Friends and Family

Ross King: Living Rooms and Lattes

Ross King: Cash and Carry

Ross King: Calm, Cool, and Calling Home Collect

Ross King: Live in the Green Room

Ross King: Backstage

Okay, so I’m no Todd or Lance or Robert – but that’s my two cents. Unless I find another penny somewhere.

Hendrick Family said...


I'm going to be up all night.

Thinking about this and Sinbad's pants.


Johnny! said...

Did my last one get deleted? I said, "If you call it the Dis-Passionate Tour, I'll play percussion for free."

Lance said...

Ross, here are some other options...

1. Big Quiet Tour
2. Steering wheel's Flaw
3. Hugs not Drugs (or vice versa)

I really like "Genius loves company", "Knows more chords now", "Get your praise on", "Living rooms and Lattes", "And all the allegations true", ... as well as all of mine.

Jason Fullen said...

Late submission. Won't make the final list. But what about

King of the Road

come on. honorable mention?

Alex Burdine said...

No love for Big Dumb Alex, huh?

Ross King's "Love 'em and Leave 'em" Tour

Ross King's "Jeans and Sandals" Tour

"When does the vacuum cleaner presentation start?" Tour

rk said...

Alex, you almost made the list for "bigger, moister," but it made me feel nauseous every time i tried to type it... (ross steps away from the keyboard to throw up a little in his mouth)... so no go. But you may be back in the running with the vacuum cleaner idea.

Alex Burdine said...

I see your game, Ross....

Ross King's "Chicken & a Fan" Tour

Ross King's "Pennsyl-Flo-Kansa-Ark-texas" Tour

and because you obviously didn't see Taladega Nights (and one more time, because it's glory needs to sink in)

"Ross King's Jesus in a Tuxedo T-Shirt" World Tour