Back to Bidness

I'm starting to book shows for the new year. I know that I never made it to all the places that I hoped to go, but after the great (and surprising) success of the fall tour, I think I'll have a little more confidence and freedom in expanding the whole deal. So if you're still interested in me coming (or coming back), let me know. Be patient. I'm doing this all by myself here, so things are always a little disorganized.

Anyway, here are January's shows so far:

Jan 1-2 -- shows in a couple of Southwest Houston locations
Jan 5 -- Houston
Jan 17-19 -- 2-3 shows in the San Antonio area
Jan 25 -- Waco

I'll be adding stuff to this, but let me know if you are interested in any of this, either to come to an already-booked show or to book an additional show in any of these areas (especially Waco or SA).

After Christmas, I'll be contacting my friends in DFW, Oklahoma, Florida, and PA/MD/NY to talk possibilites. Also, I'm working on Arizona and California mini-tours as well. Again, if you have thoughts or questions about any of this, let me know here on the blog, or email me.

Merry Christmas.

Ode

I wrote most of this post on Sunday, but I didn’t have time to finish it or post it because our friend Monique’s house caught on fire and that took up most of our night. Long story.

Then I almost scrapped the whole post because it was too late by the time I could get to it agin.

But I’ve always thought we should give people “birthweeks” instead of birthdays, anyway, because the whole thing just seems too big to squeeze into 24 hours. So, in honor of my wife’s birthweek, here is a post about her birthday.


Today my wife turns 33 years old. Below is a picture of her the way she really looks, or at least the way she looked a month or two ago. I chose that picture because it exemplifies who she is and how she lives and loves.

When I was a kid, I thought 30 was old. Okay, when I was in college, I thought 30 was old. We live and learn, right? It’s all relative. To each his own. Whatever. Pick your cliché. I was wrong. 30 isn't old. It's wise and seasoned and such.

So she's 33 now, and I think she's just hitting her stride. Pace yourself, baby, or you're going to be too awesome for words by the time you're 40.

Anyway, first, let’s talk about her looks.

What, that offends you? Too shallow? Too surface? "All men care about is physical appearance!" That's probably what you're thinking.

Well, that’s bullcrap. I mean, men do care a lot about looks, but let’s not be unreasonable about that. Everybody cares about looks. A lot. Men are just too stupid to handle that realization with style and subtlety. But they're not unique in their vanity.

What, you don’t think everybody cares about looks?

Let me put it like this. When people go to the Grand Canyon or the Taj Mahal, you don't ever hear anyone saying, “well, it is really pretty, sure, but does it know any Bible verses?”

No. You don’t hear that because good looks count too.

And I’m just saying my wife is beautiful. 33 and totally hot. Deal with it.

Now that we've got that straight, here’s a list of things, in no particular order, that make me glad she was born:

--She laughs at my jokes, and even though she’s funny, she usually lets me get the laughs.

--She understands Jesus and the Kingdom in ways that I don’t, but she treats me like I’m the smart one.

--She’s sort of shy and reserved in public, but when she’s with my sons, she’s like a whole crazy, fun, sugar-rush circus show wrapped up in a single person.

--She can military press more than I can, but she never mentions it when I’m feeling down.

--She reads voraciously, but she’s not a book-snob (if you don’t know what a book-snob is, you might be one).

--She doesn’t care what the critics say about anything. She enjoys what she enjoys and is absolutely unapologetic about it.

--She loves to dance.

--She organizes everything. No, really, everything.

--She hates doing Quickbooks, but she does it because I hate it worse.

--She has great hair.

--She never complains that we can’t get pregnant, but instead feels sorry for women who never adopt.

--She eats dessert and cheese and bacon, but she looks like a movie star.

--She knows I’m generally a sissy and an idiot, but she makes me feel like a man anyway. This is one of those important intangibles, and lots of women stink at it.

--She never acts like all men are stupid and all women are oppressed or any of that ridiculous crap.

--She knows when I can’t get a word out, and she jumps in and rescues me from the burden of having to stutter for days.

--She lets me dream.

--She never, ever makes me look like a fool.

--She thinks about everything.

--She hates it when I’m gone, but she sends me away because we both know that sometimes I have to go.

--Her left hook is, honestly, pretty good. But she only uses it on the heavy bag.

--She can sing, but she doesn’t really care.

--She loves Jesus more than she loves me.

--She loves me more than she loves our children.

--She loves our children more than she loves herself.

That’s not an exhaustive list (the exhaustive list would be, among other things, inappropriate for anyone else to read) but it’s enough. I love her, and I’m giddy, still, that she’s alive and that she’s my wife.

Even though it’s really late, you can go here and tell her happy late birthday if you want.

I didn't want to admit that I'm a huge international star, but...

That's exactly what I'm being forced to do by the techno-geniuses who run iTunes. It seems like it was only yesterday (or, at the most, 2 weeks ago), that I was telling you about the ringtone scam being perpetuated, in a joint effort, by the Apple empire and the Grassroots cartel. I was miffed, but also honored and ego-inflated. It was quite a precarious psychological position, I assure you.

Well, today I went to iTunes to check on my recent sales (very unimpressive, but sufficient for the modest lifestyle the King family embraces) only to find that nearly my entire song catalog has, sometime within the last couple of weeks, been made available for ringtone use.

I'm forced to make two conclusions.

First, I'm a huge rock star who will only be made huger by the sonic deluge of my super-hits on cellular telephone devices worldwide. Go me.

Second, iTunes must be basically making every song in the world available for ringtone downloading. Go everybody.

Perhaps you find my two conclusion at logical odds with one another. Perhaps you're even confused by the seemingly contradictory (and certainly trivial) points that I'm making with this entire post.

Hey, don't worry about it. Just quit thinking about it. Your time would be better spent going to iTunes and getting a ringtone of "Why Me Lord." And next time you get a call, let it ring until you get to that part about the kid who cleans poo.

Enunciate

There's a reason (and then another reason) why this is the absolute perfect picture for this blog post, but I'll let you figure that out after you read this one.

Every once in a while, my 4-year-old son, Sam asks to hear specific music in the car. Today he wanted to hear "Why Me Lord," from the new CD. That made daddy beam with pride of course, so I popped in the CD and we listened.

About 30 seconds in, he starts giggling. Here's how the dialogue went:

Me (turning down the music): "What are you laughing at, buddy?"
Sam: "That's so funny."
Me (thinking my kid is the only 4-year-old in the world who has an adept grasp of irony, but curious all the same): "What's funny?"
Sam (giggling): "Poo."
Me: "What?"
Sam: "Poo. That's SO funny!"
Me (thinking poo is actually really funny, but not understanding): "When did you hear 'poo'?"
Sam: "That kid who cleans your poo."(More giggling)

Then it dawns on me.

"... And the kid who cleans my pool just quit..."

Horrified and utterly repulsed at the imagery that my son has inadvertently extracted from my song, I start to explain to him what the lyrics really say...

Me: "No, Sam, that's not..."
Sam (interrupting): "I wanna hear that again!"

Why me Lord, indeed.

Thoughts?

OK, so after a couple of days of tweaking, and a couple of "prove how dumb I am" phone calls to Keith, here's what I've got. I wanted a picture at the top, and I got that working. I wanted a wider area for main text, since I tend to write long posts. Got that working.

But it's still just a blog, and who really cares, right? So, if anybody has any strong opinions on it, let me know. I've come to realize that this site has, in many ways, become more important to my ministry than my other one, at least in this "touring" time. And that makes me want to improve it in little ways, when I can. If I'm not accomplishing that with my poor-man's-hacker experiments, let me know.

Also, I'll have info on January house concerts within a few days.

And I'm working on another Ridiculous But True.

under construction

I'm messing with the blog today, trying to find new ways to make it super-awesome. Please be patient.