Sunday, May 13, 2007

And the FINAL finalists are...

I'm trying to drag this out as long as possible. I've seen some reality TV and, like all of America, I've learned a great deal from it. One of the things I've learned is that you always drag these things out. It keeps the audience riveted. You're riveted, aren't you?

First of all, the polls are officially closed. Any submissions received after 11:00 pm, May 13, will be deleted forcefully yet soberly. It's a shame to waste talent, but I will not risk any of your genius ideas falling into the wrong hands. I am serious as a heart attack, people.

Anyway, after much thought, discussion, and prayer (ok, absolutely no prayer), I've narrowed the field to 5 finalists. It was tough, because, in addition to the 75 or so that I had in the initial batch, there were another 20-30 late entries. That's like a hundred, total. I mean, if I had a nickel for every tour name idea that I got, i could fill a giant stocking with nickels (around a hundred of them) and, if I were strong enough to wield such a stocking, and if it could hold all those nickels without breaking or getting a run or whatever, I could probably swing that nickel-filled death sock around and around and let it fly, and probably knock a building down or something.

So, basically, lots of good tour name ideas is what I'm saying.

My apologies to all of you who we have to say "goodbye" to in this, the final round. All I can say is that, you're all very talented, and I feel confident that many of you will probably be getting calls -- and soon -- from tour-naming firms ready to snatch you up and get you on their payrolls, naming tours for other not-very-famous musicians worldwide. At RossKingWorldTour Headquaters, we firmly believe that even the winners are losers. Wait, that came out wrong. That sounded more like something Jesus would say and then Derek Webb would write an awesome song about. What I meant to say was that in a contest like this, even the losers are only losing a dumb contest.

The 5 finalists are (viewed l-r in the pic below):

"Ross Who?" by Lance
"Ross King Sings on Couches" by Todd
"Everybody Back Up" by Mark
"Su Casa es Mi Casa" by Heather (and I feel it's absolutely necessary to pull an Oprah and say "you go girl")
"The Bathroom's Down the Hall" by Thad

I am so proud of all of you. And I can tell from this pic that you're all just as proud to be here today.

Because I'm a softy, and because we at RKWT HQ like to nurture young, creative minds, I'll be giving all these finalists a free copy of the new project (tentatively titled Think About It) if it ever comes out, as well as a free beverage of their choice and maybe -- but not necessarily or probably or actually -- a bunch of money.

I'm going to take a few days and announce the winner by the end of the week. Please feel free to lobby for your favorite finalist in the "comments" section.


thad said...
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thad said...

Oh sheesh, this is easy. I vote for "you go girl."

Wait, what?

It's not?........Oh.

So he actually typed that phrase and it wasn't one of the nominees? Hm.

In that case I vote for "The bathroom's down the hall." Funny, descriptive, helpful, and in most cases, I predict, true. And isn't that what this is all about -- the truth? Come on. Think about it.

Also, I am content to be the old guy in the picture given the alternatives. Ask Lance.

Alex Burdine said...

I have a question for Mr. King, if that is indeed your real name (sounds kinda stagey to Cristopher Crosse)

What happens in the following scenario?

Ross "King" shows up for a "house gig" and the host family decides to serve, I don't know...chicken And either two things go down: 1) The people are so immensely rocked by the singer/songwriter (and not the other way around) that they need a way to cool themselves down...with, let's just say for argument's sake a fan. or..2) Unbeknownst to the individuals that just happen to be at said house gig, they enjoy your music by chance...what word might best describe their status in regards to you as a musician? I believe one might call them a fan

So Ross King...if this situation does arise during your tour, I would hope you would take the proper steps to alter your tour name from the winner of one of the five honorable tries by five equally honorable individuals.

Let's just say 'Ross King Fans of PA' are chanting "Chicken and a Fan! Chicken and a Fan!"

Chase said...

I vote for Thad's

Lance said...

I would be as happy as the little girl in the photo to begin negotiations regarding the use of my copywrighted tour name, "Ross who?"

Please contact my people.

P.S. I think I may vote for "Ross King sings on couches"

Hendrick Family said...

I vote for Thad's too.

Mainly because if there are t-shirts made I think it would be cooler to have a shirt with a toilet on it, or a roll of toilet paper.

Not a chili pepper.

Unless it was the "to go" chili from the restaurant Chili's.


I vote for toilet shirts.

Alex Burdine said...
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Alex Burdine said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
King Family said...

As Ross' wife and co-founder of RossKingWorldTour HQ, I applaud all of you on your creative and sometimes mildly offensive submissions. I would like to submit a vote for Ross King Sings on Couches, although I don't know if my vote holds less weight (or more?) being a part of the HQ and all. I would also like to say that 2 of my favorites did not make the Top 5 due to the fact that they are either too witty or too sarcastic. Ross King-"And all the Allegations True" by Thad & Ross King "Knows More Chords Now." by Todd. I got a pretty good laugh from both of those.

Amy said...

I would love to vote for Lance, but I just don't think "Ross Who?" was his best entry. Because I know my husband is brilliant, and it appears we've already secured a free copy of the new CD I'm going to go ahead and vote for Todd's "Ross King Sings on Couches." I like it.

Ben Love said...

Only because I pictured an angry Ross yelling it at a few people in a house , I'm voting for "Everybody Back Up."

Lindele said...

Hey, it's the end of the week.