4 out of 5 Big Mamas Recommend Juicebox

OK, OK ,I know it's been forever. I have excuses -- writing/producing/pitching/tweaking a jingle for a barbecue chain, preaching a church service and a wedding, numerous co-writing sessions and trips, etc -- but mainly I've just been lazy about blogging. I'm working on a big update and some concert/tour date info, but in the meantime, go read a new review of my kids' CD.

For reasons that completely escape me, some people still don't own Words That Rhyme with Orange. More specifically, almost everyone on earth has yet to buy it.

Allow me to explain. Ahem.

There are -- I've read -- approximately 8 billion people on the planet. If that data is correct -- and I got it on the internet, so you know it is -- then, using my mathamaticotious calculations as a proficient songwriter, I see that approximately 7,999,999,300 people still haven't purchased my CD. Now I know -- from my other readings on the internet (and in magazines when I am in the doctor's office and I'm trying to find something to do besides play games on my phone in front of people) -- that at least a billion or two of those people don't have CD players or (I'm not kidding about this) even iPods. So those people have an excuse. Someday, when all is made right with the world, this travesty will be corrected and shoeless children everywhere will have access to Kanye, Ne-Yo, and Taylor Swift. Until then, let's assume that I have maybe 5 billion potential buyers on the planet.

To be fair, at least a few hundred of those haven't learned English yet. Again, how we Americans can sleep at night knowing that so many in this world have yet to learn how to say brilliant things like "I'm drinking my drink until I've drunk all of it and then I'll be drunk" or, "I know, right?" is beyond me.

But this is getting too political, and I'm really just here to talk about juiceboxes and bacon and monkeys disguised as humans. I mean, no matter who we are, we can agree on those things.

So moving on, if you haven't bought the CD yet, and if you can afford it, and if you speak English, you should go read this, then go watch this, then go here and buy something.

Oh, and in caes you don't get sarcasm and you think I'm really a boneheaded, heartless American capitalist, go here, here and here to see what shoeless children really need.

See dee baby? (A Contest!)

For some reason, when I wrote that sentence, I said it outloud with an unidentifiable European accent. Like many of my jokes, you had to sort of be there to appreciate it.

Anyway, my kids' CD is now available at CDBaby. I'm hoping to generate some sales there, so I thought I'd run a little giveaway/contest thing.

Here's how it will work. I'll give a free CD -- anything from my catalog that is still in print -- to anyone who will do 2 of these 4 things:

--go to my CDBaby page and post a review (hopefully a very positive one) for the new CD.
--go to my iTunes page and post a review for the kids CD.
--go to my Amazon page and post of review for the kids CD.
--go to any of the pages that i listed here and post a review in the "comments" section of any of those blogs/pages.

Just do 2 of those things, then email me (ross@rosskingmusic.com) or comment on this post, letting me know that you did it (links to your reviews would be appreciated, but if you're not very tech-savvy, just tell me where the reviews are), then let me know what CD you want. It's that easy, people!

I figure if I get several good reviews, I'll be more likely to sell some stuff in those various places. These different webpages/services represent different markets for me, because most of my "fans" would probably just buy my stuff direct from my website. But people who buy at CDBaby or thru the other above places are more likely to be the kind of folks who just stumble upon me one way or another (especially now that I have a CD in a different "genre").

So, most of you probably have all the CD's of mine that you want, but if not -- or if you want to give some as gifts or whatever -- go post some reviews and let me know about it. I'll send you some free stuff!

Erbody love Juicebox (and my other songs too!)

Lots and lots of reviews being posted all around the cyberweb netverse or whatever it's called. So far, everybody has been extremely positive! Whew. Color me relieved, which, I think, is a kind of pale yellow-ish with hints of crimson and puce.

I contacted these people a few weeks ago and asked them if they would be interested in reviewing my new record, and they said yes. So this week there are tons of reviews popping up all over the place. If you haven't bought the record yet, or if you know somebody who needs convincing, send them to any of these places:

Review

Review

Review

Review

Review

Review this one is especially fun because she shares some email dialogue that I had with her about the record, and I think it really conveys my heart for the record.

There are more, but I didn't want to overwhelm you. Here's what you can do to help. Go read a few and post on their "comments" sections and see if we can stir up some more sales.

These are mainly moms with kids. That's pretty much the main demographic that I'm needing to reach and impress with the new record, so it's great to get all this positive feedback.

More news to come.

T-shirts? Yeah, I think I'm going to do it within the next month or so.

Cartoon/iPhone app? Coming along. Supposed to be ready late next week. We'll see.

Concerts/gigs? I'm starting to book lots of stuff, so if you're interested for something in the spring or summer, let me know!

She likes it!

Got another positive review of the new kids' CD, this time from a mom with a kid! That there is the target demographic, people (my college roommates went to business classes, so I know these things). Go read it and, if you haven't bought it yet, seriously, how much convincing do you need?

He likes it!

Got another review of the CD. I sent one to this guy because I found him on the internet and saw that he was a cool, diserning dude who liked to review kids' music. He agreed to review it. Check it out. And thank him for listening!

He likes it!

My good friend Todd Wright has posted reviews on his ubiquitous vlog and on his not-as-ubiquitous-as-it-once-was-before-twitter blog. But he hasn't posted anything on his schlog or his phlob or goobletyglob. Sorry, I just had to do that because I felt so silly using all those words that were only invented in the last week or whatever.

Anyway, go hear what Todd thinks of the record. He's my pal, so I'm sure he would've had a hard time saying "this record is depressingly bad and makes me want to smash my nose with a caveman's mallet," but it as far as I can tell, he likes it. Todd is a fantastic musician and songwriter in his own right, so he's got some street cred. He seems like he's being pretty honest about my record, and I know him well enough that I can tell he ain't working too hard to sell it for me.

So if you're curious to get a song-by-song evaluation of the record, go here and here. And while you're at either of thos places, get to know Todd and his extremely loyal group of internet pals.

Oh, and buy Todd's music.

When you're having writer's block...

... the best thing to do is to point out really great stuff that other people say about you, which distracts readers from the issue, which is that you don't blog much these days. The family was out all weekend, and I've been generally slammed for the last week, but I should be back in a day or two. Whilst you wait for more brilliance and humor, go read that thing that I linked to. It may be the only time I ever get any kind of pseudo-mainstream props, so forgive me if I'm a little geeked about it.