OK, OK ,I know it's been forever. I have excuses -- writing/producing/pitching/tweaking a jingle for a barbecue chain, preaching a church service and a wedding, numerous co-writing sessions and trips, etc -- but mainly I've just been lazy about blogging. I'm working on a big update and some concert/tour date info, but in the meantime, go read a new review of my kids' CD.
For reasons that completely escape me, some people still don't own Words That Rhyme with Orange. More specifically, almost everyone on earth has yet to buy it.
Allow me to explain. Ahem.
There are -- I've read -- approximately 8 billion people on the planet. If that data is correct -- and I got it on the internet, so you know it is -- then, using my mathamaticotious calculations as a proficient songwriter, I see that approximately 7,999,999,300 people still haven't purchased my CD. Now I know -- from my other readings on the internet (and in magazines when I am in the doctor's office and I'm trying to find something to do besides play games on my phone in front of people) -- that at least a billion or two of those people don't have CD players or (I'm not kidding about this) even iPods. So those people have an excuse. Someday, when all is made right with the world, this travesty will be corrected and shoeless children everywhere will have access to Kanye, Ne-Yo, and Taylor Swift. Until then, let's assume that I have maybe 5 billion potential buyers on the planet.
To be fair, at least a few hundred of those haven't learned English yet. Again, how we Americans can sleep at night knowing that so many in this world have yet to learn how to say brilliant things like "I'm drinking my drink until I've drunk all of it and then I'll be drunk" or, "I know, right?" is beyond me.
But this is getting too political, and I'm really just here to talk about juiceboxes and bacon and monkeys disguised as humans. I mean, no matter who we are, we can agree on those things.
So moving on, if you haven't bought the CD yet, and if you can afford it, and if you speak English, you should go read this, then go watch this, then go here and buy something.
Oh, and in caes you don't get sarcasm and you think I'm really a boneheaded, heartless American capitalist, go here, here and here to see what shoeless children really need.
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