Monday, October 15, 2007

Big Show; Jokers Wanted

So I'm playing at this place (above) on Friday November 9, and I think everybody who lives within 90 miles or so ought to try and come. Craig Weaver (percussion/drums) and Brady Redwine (keys, dobro, etc) have already agreed to join me, and I may throw in another band member or two before it's all over with. Or maybe I'll keep it fairly acoustic. Not sure yet.

Either way, mark the calendar. This is gonna be a super-sweet face-rocker for the ages.

Oh, and in case you're wondering how/why I'm throwing a 400-seat theater venue smack into the middle of my "houses and other tiny venues" tour, here's the sitch:

Aaron and Heather Hendrick, apparently my most devoted and go-getter fans, decided to put this thing together after realizing that, in order to accomodate all the people in their life who want to hang out at their house and listen to live music, they would need to host something life 43 house shows. That seemed like too much, I guess. I mean, the cost of chips and dips alone would be staggering for such an undertaking, not to mention the potential for knick-knack theft and toilet back-up. So they emailed me and said, "what if we had one Big Show instead of 43 small ones?"

I said yes. So that's what we're doing. Who's with me? Did I mention that it's free?

I'll give you a moment to think about it....

Good. See you there.

Now that I've got that out of the way, I think it's time for another contest around here.

Last time I had people pick my tour name. Ironically, Heather won that, though only by a narrow margin. Also ironically (or alsoronically, if you will), this contest was Heather's idea as well. Hey, I told you these people were go-getters.

So here's the contest. It appears, from the above pic, that the old Palace Theater has a marquee. Now, I have no idea who has control/access to this thing, or if they'll let me get my grubbies on it. But I sure would love to have something snazzy to put there on the night of my concert.

And more than that, I sure would like to think of some really funny stuff to not put on it, but that, if we were in Fantasy World Where Everybody Likes to Make Jokes, would be on it for shiz.

So send in your ideas, and the winner will get some Free Stuff*, not to mention the huge ego boost of being lauded publicly on this here site.

Ready, set, jokes.

Todd and Lance, keep it clean.
Oh, and Alex, try to make jokes that other people besides me and you understand.
*"Free stuff" can include, but is not limited to, kind words, handshakes, platonic side-hugs, affirming yet awkward eye-winks, meat products, coozies, gently used D-Now T-shirts, spam emails, spam sandwiches, or any official Ross King merchandise. The management of Ross King World Tour will not be held responsible, nor will it even really care a whole lot, if recipients of said "Free Stuff" are unsatisfied, injured, humiliated, or made ill by the use or possession of said "Free Stuff." Restrictions apply. Available while supplies last. No monkeys were harmed in the making of this blog.


Todd Wright said...

1. "To Make Ross Famous."
2. "Fight Truth Decay, Brush Up On God's Word."
3. "TODD WRIGHT LIVE IN CONCERT with opening act, Ross Keen."

King Family said...

O gag, Todd. Number 2 sounds like a sad church marquee, which I hate. But you're dead on if you were in charge of sad church marqees. I'm sure the people in charge of those things would love #2.
Number 1 and 3 are funny!

Johnny! said...

"Puppet Show & Ross King."
"Enthusiasm '07 Featuring Ross King."

Robert Conn said...

"Drinks are on Ross"
"Ross on the Rocks"
The Palace: "The only place for a true KING"

Not sure why 1 & 2 reference drinking. I guess that is just how my day is going!

joe.peebles said...

"Face Invaders: Ross King's Visage-Melting Wail-dom"
"Free Music (musical stylings and a positive message from local artist Ross King)"
"Fart Step"

I don't know what that last one is really supposed to mean, but surely it would get you more press. Pun not intended except by Serendipity.

Also, I was wondering if this contest is going to have runners-up, because I'm all about the Spamwich - in the event that I don't have the winning idea and the top prize turns out to be Ross King merchandise.

Hendrick Family said...

One Night Only...

The Esqueda Brothers Circus Extravaganza

Who would miss an off brand circus?

No one should, that's for sure.

Alex Burdine said...

from the culturally appropriate file:
"Perhaps I'll say too much...again"

"shut up and sing"
(dixie chicks reference!! woohoo!)

to the uber-creepy:

"Ross King and the sperm whales"

"Who's on top of who now?"
(I couldn't refrain..I think this one violates the PG requirement AND the inside joke rule)

and my most cleveriest:

"No Shoes, No Shirt...Know God!"

rk said...

OK, just so that people don't think Alex is a total weirdo perv (wouldn't be the first time), I'll explain (see, this is why I tell him to refrain from the inside jokes, but the doofus can't do it): he's quoting from THE DELETED SCENES of Waiting for Guffman. I mean, can you get any more random than that?

However, i do give props for his final entry, since that ridiculous slogan has probably appeared on an actual Christian t-shirt at some point.

So far Johnny and Joe seem to be the front-runners. Todd is disqualified for his entry #3, only because I wish I'd thought of it.

Brett said...

1. "Inside Joke - Come in and find out what it is"

That might be self-degredation, but I'd walk in

2. "Meet Me Where I Am (That would be inside)"

3. " you've never seen him before (and for some of you, that might not necessarily be a bad thing"

4. "What goes on in the Palace, stays in the Palace"

5. "Where Ross Says Too Much"

My ode to Christian t-shirts:

"Global Warming is nothing compared to Eternal Burning!"

"Jesus died for My Space in Heaven"

Hendrick Family said...


And if I win this contest, I don't want another CD. I want Jude.

Got it?

Alex Burdine said...

Brett wins for supporting the inside joke cause.

my next submission:

"Free Balogna, Cheese, Mayo and Catsup Foot Longs"

(sorry, they don't make them in 8 ft versions.)

Laurie said...

"Two Penny"

Hope that you remember my goofy humor! This is my very first blog comment. I signed up and created an account just to try and win!! Oh and if you don't get it, I will gladly explain!

Other options include..

"Who needs Fiddy when you got Two Penny?" and

"Two Penny... It's all I got but you can have it!" (I am sure that by giving all that you have away, would be considered really Holy, right??)

I know.... I'll stop.

Joe and I really want to have you Staci and the boys over sometime for dinner. I can't believe we have been back 4 months already and haven't tried to do that yet.

Johnny! said...

"Ross King: Praise and Worship Revue."

"I Am Cue Cue. You Peee. Be Pee."

(that was this comment's verification code)

BHG & Co. said...

I am so sorry that I missed the show Tuesday night... MAJOR BUMMER!

I am not one for "off-the-top-of-my-head-trying-to-be-funny" kind of stuff. But here is some cerebral vomit that may (or may not) prove productive:

"a King for the King"
"King & Company"
"Heather made me do it"
"Well, if you insist..."
"Ross' House & Palace Tour"
"It's not a Palace, it's just a very large house with a lot of people Tour
"Ross in The Big House"
"From the Palace to the Throne: a night of worship"
"The things I do for friends"
"Friends are friends forever"

...with that one, I must stop. Whoa - I went one too long on that list!

That's it for now. Gott get kids to bed. Let me know if you ever want to come out to East Texas! I promise not to cancel (a sad beginning to your knowledge of me - Craig has embarrassed me with this stroy before).

Robert Conn said...

"Living rooms weren't paying the light bill"

"I got tired of sitting on your brick fireplaces and small office chairs"

"Ross Stik"

#3 really doesn't have any meaning, I was just typing this and happened to look up and notice a glue-stick called "Ross Stik - Washable glue stick" I thought that was a funny coincidence. Plus it's 'Acid Free' which is always a good thing unless you're Pink Floyd or something.

Brett said...

"Ross and his sidekick Willy in 'Say hello to my little friend'"

"To The Mattresses" (If you don't know, you better ax somebody)

"While looking at this sign, you just missed my intro"

"Free Concert. Jokes are on me"

"Without you, this place is half-full" (cynical view)

"Believe the Hype"

"Ross King -- The Foot in Mouth Tour"

Ross and Coco in "I sing while he mimes"

A Night of Praise: Ross King on Guitar, Cris Seay on the Palate

In the event you get an encore, my suggestion is an ode to your bandmates. Perhaps a little "Dream Weaver" and "Red, Red Wine"?

By the way, as far as free prizes go, could you define "meat products"?

Brett said...

Correction: The cynical view should read,

"Without you, this place is half-empty"

I forgot to proof-read

Johnny! said...

"Bible Prophecy Revealed!"

"Your Best Night Now."

"Metalfest '87."

"Cue el Dixel." (another code)

Lauri Hahn said...

"'Scuse Me While I Kiss the Sky"
(misheard lyric optional)

Lance said...

One night with the King (or was that used as a possible tour name?)

The King is in the building

Bare Naked Gospel

An Inconvenient Concert

Alex Burdine said...

oh man...I like "An Inconvenient Concert"

joe.peebles said...

Wow - I like that too, as much as it pains me to say it. I concede my SpamWich.

Maybe if I ever have a concert tour one day, it could be called "Casting SpamWiches".

Johnny! said...

"Blue Like Jazz: The Musical."
(props to Todd)

Alex Burdine said...

"exorcisms 50% off!"

"free starsbuck!"

RR said...

Waffle House coupon with every cd!

RR said...

You see, there is now a whole Kid Rock referrence with the Waffle House thing
Maybe you could get into a fight at your local Waffle House to kind of promote the whole thing

Laurie said...

"There was this one time at church camp!"


"KINGdom music, FREEdom music"

Hi. My name is Alanna. said...


I have no idea if you'll remember at all who I am, but like forever and ever and a day ago you were the youth pastor short-term at West Oaks Baptist Church in Bryan. I know - stretching far back before all this regional infamous fame you've got going on now. Yeah, so you were there. And so was I. Alanna. Course I was a Lovell back then, but now I'm a Bryan. Nope - didn't marry any of those guys from way back when, not that you asked (or would have asked if you do remember all this in order to ask), but I thought I'd share just in case you wanted to ask. ;P

ANYHOW - so it was weird to move back to Texas after 10 years and find you all famous and my worship leaders PROMOTING YOU LIKE CRAZY (smiles to Heather) all over the place. Know what image sticks in my head about you (besides the music and such)? Dancing. You did this funky dance in your living room and taught us all it. Weird, huh?

So, I realize that with the bajillions of people the Hendricks will be bringing to this concert on Friday that you will probably make 0 eye contact in my direction (not that I'm recognizable as a mom now - us moms, well, we kinda blend in, you know? ;). But I thought I'd tell you my crew and I are coming.

I'm sure it'll be great. Thanks for putting it on. Thanks for being available. And I hope God is greatly glorified.

How weird to sort-of "run into" you after all these years... Odd how life turns out sometimes.

Blessings and Peace!!